21.1.11
I’ve realized that I now have a lot of spare time on my hands so will mostly be keeping this long winded diary while Holly sleeps, forgive my warbling.
Patter we went for and patter we got...Sort of. We went up seedy street and checked out an enormous pool hall that seemed to have the DJ from Kushion belting oot the hits of the day in mash up form, pretty sure there was a mix of Rihanna and ‘If yooouuurre going to San Francisco, be sure to wear a flower in your haaaaaiiirrr’, whatever that song was? Not too bad actually, we ended up playing 10 games of pool for a few quid. Every time you finished a game they had wee guys that came and racked up the balls again for you which was nice,
Our wee guy was called ‘Ice’ and was a bit of a legend. Holly was getting beat, as usual and he interjected with ‘I beat you one hand’. Fair enough, on you go son. He held the cue like a Javelin or like he was spear fishing and potted all the balls! I’d never really seen anything like it (apart from maybe Pool hero Kev The Cannonball while stocious drunk) in my life. Then I realized why he played like that, he was missing one of his index fingers! We got him a beer and I questioned whether I’d ever play pool again.
Ten games and several cocktails later we headed for Rock City (the rock club with the Predator as a bouncer) for some live music. We had missed the Metallica Tribute Act, which was a bit of a downer, but there was a house covers band playing next. The club was pretty mental, it had a real big stage with a giant Gorilla over it and the cocktails were strong as hell. The band were actually pretty gallus and they could all really play. They were doing a good bit of everything from Bon Jovi to The Clash. They got me up to sing some of that bloody Jet song, be my girl or whatever – was gid fun.
The thai lassies were giving it big licks up on the speakers at the side of the stage and Holly seemed to think this was a good idea for her in her drunken stupor. Fair enough, I just let her get on with it. I tried to join her but the bouncers ‘only let lady dance’ so I had to stay on the floor. Holly then thought it would be a good idea to try and get crunk with the junk in her trunk all over my crotch. She wasn’t really selling it well so I asked her to stop. Turns out you cannae really say that to lassies when they’re trying to be sexy! Time to get her home without mentioning the words, home, drunk or ‘shut yer face ya drunken boot’, which is a lot harder than it sounds. I made out like I was the one who was too drunk which she obviously agreed with and headed back to the gay barracks. Went into the shop to get some water and she spilled that all over herself much to the amusement of the wee thai shopkeeper. I got some cheese and ham toasties, which I was pretty surprised they had to be honest. Pretty good wee set up they have. A breville in the shop and a wee Tupperware box with all the sandwiches made up, I assume from that morning. They tasted cracking, whodathiunkit? Off to sleep with a James Bond movie.
Morning comes and Holly has no memory of last night, strange that considering she wasn’t drunk at all eh? We check out of the Lovelli hostel and some things become a little clearer. When we were checking in the owner made a point of asking how we had heard of the place and I didn’t really think much of it. On the morning of check out the Gay Fawlty Towers thing was still in full effect except this time Manuel had on a yellow shirt and grey socks. All of the other people in reception were obviously gay too, and from Germany I think so it was turbo gay and then came the cherry on the top. ‘Good morning Victoria’ cooed the owner and then this man/woman walked in with the actual face of the old one from ‘How Clean is Your House’ (the one with the crackin’ bun) and the body of my Da, but harder. I assume that this was in fact a gay hostel and we inadvertently ended up staying there on our hetero-honeymoon. No wonder the room was so nicely turned out! I forgot to mention that I had my first whitey of the trip before we checked out, I tried to take a multi-vitamin with some coca cola and ended up having a fizzy spew right back down the sink. We then had a cab ride in scorching heat and winding roads to Karon to deal with, I wisnae a happy bunny.
We rocked up to the Pineapple hostel about 12.30 and all seemed nice and chilled out, the guy wasn’t expecting me til the next day but we got a space in a dorm anyway. Not the nicest looking of places but it feels safe and hospitable. Getting out of Patong was the best move we’ve made so far, Karon is way nicer and a lot more relaxed. You still get a bit of hassle from street vendors (mostly tailors actually that all have the same patter and want to give you their business card, right slimy looking too the tailors for some reason?) but the difference here is that they only seem to be on one side of the street so you can avoid them. We headed for the beach and that was much, much nicer and a lot cleaner and quieter. Straight into the sea for a wee cool down. The sea here is amazing, clear waters and a nice temperature, you can just nip in for a swim then come out and the sun dries you off in minutes. We had a nice wee day of sun bathing and reading about decadent dandy’s and womanizing drunken writers.
After the sun bathing we went a wander and came across a nice restaurant on the beach that had an amazing view of the sunset. Holly got a steak and I went for a burger, as I was still feeling fragile. The burger came and it tasted of Coffee, pretty much the weirdest tasting thing ever. I fucking hate coffee aswell so that didn’t help, the staff were in the dark as to how this could be, what I was saying and probably what day it was. The view from here really was amazing though, seeing the sun fully set over the horizon of the sea and the pink sky was the nicest I’ve ever seen. I discovered my new favourite thing too, Fruit Shakes. Basically fruit and ice blitzed together, had 2 orange and one watermelon in about 20 mins, they are awesome.
Just sitting in the hostel now debating what to do, staying off the booze today and I never really want to eat anyway so might get some dvd’s from downstairs and have an early kip. Went for the worst shower in the world just there, when you turn on the tap the (cold) water sprays everywhere, out of the handle and the pipe and everything. The water sprayed all over my dry clothes and also into a crack in the wall, which set off about a thousand ants to out of a crack. At £4 a night I cannae really grumble I suppose.
I wanted to go see an Elvis tribute later but it was about £11 each to get in which is more than it’s costing us for a room for the night so it got vetoed by the Mrs.
A Thai Elvis would have been awesome though.
Uh huh huh
Craggers
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