After a day long freak out about our finances I decided a few things had to change. If my wife was going to do her Dive Master course then she would have to officially clock up at least 40 dives and subsequently hold up about 40 7-Eleven stores to fund it. It shouldn’t be too hard as there are about 300 of them per every acre of Thailand!
Doing the course is an investment in a way as she will get work and I can hopefully be a kept man in some of the worlds most beautiful locations, but for now it means spending a good whack of our budget on her qualification, accommodation, food and of course booze for little ole’ moi. The main thing that was bothering me was where we were staying. Although it was beautiful and only 400 Baht a night it was so remote that we had to take a long tail boat there at a cost of 150 Baht per person each time. I don’t mind walking through the jungle in the daytime but at night, with all the snakes, spiders and tree dwelling ladyboys it’s not as desirable. The solution seemed to be to move into town, get an apartment for a month and for me to get a job.
The town of Ton Sei is a lot busier than at Shark Point (the end of Long Beach) so there is more to do and there is much cheaper food and amenities on offer. If Holly is diving every day then I am either going to kill myself with boredom, alcohol or simply melt under the sheer unwavering heat of the sun. I went for a wee jaunt and surprisingly I had a glimpse of a couple of jobs in about 15 minutes, but as you may or may not know, it is illegal for a Farang (a non-thai) to work here unless it’s something specialist like teaching English or catching Haggis. An Irish owner of a decent bar was telling me that he had met a Russian broad and wanted to take a week off from running the bar every day and night and run off with her to the Mainland for some International Relations. Another bar offered me some work flyering but I know I’m not really cut out for that with a sunburned face like a Chicken McNugget and the fun-loving, outgoing personality of a Victorian Grave Robber. Apparently there are a lot of Police on the Island at the moment, which is unusual but it does mean that you have to pay a fine or do the time if you get caught. The bar would pay the fine but it’s rare to get work as the Thais apparently only get 200 Baht for a whole day but Westerners get at least 100 an hour. It’s still working for pennies but it’ll help and keep me out of trouble and boredom. If you flyer then you get free beer and buckets all night so I might give it a bash with a stagger and a swagger at some point!
So, with a spring in our step we went on the hunt for long term digs, which is pretty hard to find during high season as the proprietors obviously make more money per night than they do per month. After checking out nearly every guest house a wee guy caught wind of our search and followed us down the street and led us down a back alley where some women were playing cards. It all seemed a bit shoddy as we were led down the back lane of some restaurants where they cut off fish and chicken’s heads, industrial fans expel hot air and the flies buzz aimlessly through the air to a set of stairs that were so steep that I hit my shin on the higher step each time I ascended. The room we were led to was amazingly clean looking and had a big bed, air conditioning, a fan, a fridge, cable TV and a private bathroom. The price she offered us was very good considering it was high season, about £300 for the whole month and only 100 Baht more each night than what we were paying to stay in an shed on the edge of a cliff. The deal was done and some much needed smiles returned to our weary faces.
Over the last couple of days Holly has been off diving and I have been saying goodbye to friends, the Aussies Mike and Ally and Hello to a new couple Austin and Emer all the way from Ireland. We only knew the Aussies for a week but I can honestly say I’m really gonna miss them. As many of my friends know, I’m not the most tolerant person and there are only a few less irritating people in the world than Australian guys, controversial I know but the bottom line is that I never really thought I’d hit it off with them but in the end they have opened my mind and lifted a bit of the worry I had about leaving home and hating everyone I met. A big thank you to them and the best of luck, they are actually gonna hook up with a couple from Glasgow who are staying in Melbourne and show them a right good Jewish knees up. Mazel Tof!!
The Irish Gent, Austin was on a dive course too so his girlfriend Emer and I decided to spend the day together. I think I drunkenly told him the night before I was taking her Dogging but, more innocently we met up and went on a 4 or 5-hour walk around the Island swapping each other’s life stories and how much we detest smoking. I actually had a really nice refreshing day meeting someone new who was the same age as me and was willing to here me warble on all day. She was also the victim of some kind of killer insect and had an amazing bite on her leg that kept swelling into a ball and oozing puss all day, I got to watch her Lance it so that was pretty satisfying and beat Dogging any day of the week. That night we had to say our goodbyes to them also, so we had a really nice dinner, a bit of Thai Boxing and had a lot of chat about movies over several 2 for 1 buckets. We had an early night as Holly was diving in the morn so retired to our boudoir for an air-conditioned viewing of a terrible pirated DVD. By the way, if you’ve seen Coyote Ugly then you don’t need to see Burlesque…although Cher would still get it , even at 64.
Today on the beautiful Island of Phi Phi has been one of opposites for me. Yesterday was the first overcast day we’d had and I was quite thankful for it, it was also the first day we had the luxury of air-con so I took the opportunity to slip on some jeans, as I really do hate wearing shorts. Today though, the sun was beating down hard and I was struggling, I didn’t want to sit in the room all day watching TV…although, the only channel with cracking reception is Fashion TV, which any young man or teenager will know is the only channel you can see sexy models with their baps oot on TV at any time of the day. Also today, I had almost literally no money on me at all as we had to pay for our Room and for Holly’s Dive Course. You can only take out a certain amount each day from the ATM so it was a bit shit having a whole day with nothing to do, scorching sun and no money to do, eat or drink anything. I bought a small kettle the other day so I was able to make some 8 baht noodles (about 10p) and boil off some water to put in the fridge and drink. I had to go to a café to use the Internet and buy a single scoop of ice cream for 30p so I could use their wifi and do a bit of research online to keep myself sane.
Then, as if by magic the whole day kinda changed for me when I realized I still had some Singapore Dollars that I could trade for Baht at the Currency Exchange. I also asked them if I could withdraw more from inside the branch than the ATM. Apparently I can, as long as I bring my passport, so I just needed to wait on Holly coming home with the card and we’re back on top. I had one beer in the fridge that I was saving for Holly coming home so decided to have that and start a bit of writing. I had the air-con on full but I could still hear a very strange rumbling sound so I looked out the window and realized that full on Monsoon rain (Gene Hackman circa 1998) was falling from the sky. The back alley that my looks down onto was flooded almost instantly and the posh private pool of a fancy resort that you can see from my window was almost overflowing. There were very well to do Japanese girls in bikinis hiding their cameras under towels to catch a snap of them doing that 2 finger thing in the intense downfall.
It’s only rained here once since I’ve been away and although we moan about it in Scotland, I think we secretly love it. I got out of my jeans as quick as I could and put on my swimming shorts and went for a walk around the deserted streets with my sunglasses on and a cheeser of a grin getting looks from the people huddled in the bars and shops like I was looking for a ‘special’ bus window to lick. I headed for the beach, which was almost deserted too, apart from some guys quickly taking in the deck chairs that line the beach. I dove straight into the sea which was deliciously warm and swam just on the surface so my ears could hear the dull patter as the rain pelted off the surface of the water. As I was saying, today has been one of opposites…I am sitting here happy as Larry after a bit of dancing in the rain in nothing but my shorts when this morning I was hiding from the sun in my jeans in a foul mood because I couldn’t even afford a fruit shake.
In other news, I hired the worst guitar in Thailand from a Bamboo Tattoo Artist but at least it gives me something to do. My fingers are aching already, so it doubles up as something to moan about too…everyone’ a winner!
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