Careless Whisper

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As you can imagine, I’ve met some good people on my travels…Robin Gibb is now Robin Gidd albeit he’s a bit of a God Squad type whose enthusiasm for the lord almighty is equaled by his equal opportunities opinion on downing shots and buckets all the while having a better beard than me and a spherical pal called Wilson. 

Another Robin I have met is a Swedish guy who works at my day job that reminds me of Chet, a guy I lived with for 4 years that would go to a club in Speedos and work out in public, Muscle Street doesn’t have the same ring to it as Muscle Beach when you think about it but that’s how I met him and the reason he’s my friend…he can play Careless Whisper on the Saxophone and takes no shame in putting his weight bench out on the street on a sunny day or getting his Dad to reinforce his bed with steel. 

Robin talked me into doing a ‘photo shoot’ with a girl he had been conveniently riding on the side who looked a lot like the girl from the Nickelback Video for How You Remind Me.  My wife was understandably appalled at the thought of this girl, who was in her eyes sexy as France writhing about the surf gien it big licks with her chebs oot.  In reality, she turned up at 9am for her shoot on the beach with a (pure blaggin it) ‘professional photographer’ looking like she had just got out of Auschwitz but with a worse hangover, bruises and everything.  The sun wasn’t really shining and I tried to tell her that it wasn’t worth it as she was simultaneously applying makie up and vomiting in the bathroom.  I gave it a bash and Robin turned out way better than her, as he has been a model, a dancer and also a contestant on Swedish Big Brother (either 2004 or 2006) and knew how to pose and the likes.

So, I’m on the beach giving it the whole ‘oh, the light’s not right’ chat while he is telling her to ‘unleash her inner tigress’ and get sexy ‘like the movie wild things’.  When she still didn’t look like much he promptly told her that she ‘looked like a cow’ in Swedish, which made me like this guy even more.  Robin, as I mentioned is professional dancer and he is most at home in the bar at night when he incites the crowd to join him in the ‘Cha Cha Stomp’ which for those of you unaware is a song much like the Macarena. 

He somehow gets them all going and even more surreally manages to look good doing it.  I love to watch the faces on the crowd when it gets to the bit where he sings “Charlie Brown’ as if it’s a dance move every one should know like ‘Stomp to the left, 2 times’. I put it down to the particularly peculiar night we were having, not only had the drains been cleared out and the whole place smelled of rank excrement but it was also the offical ‘SUPERMOON’ – the point in which the moon is closest to the Earth in more than 2 decades.  It actually was a really big, bright moon and quite impressive but what was more impressive was the effect it seemed to be having on the tides and the weather.  The tide would come in and out by a good 200 yards every 20 minutes…some say all the natural disasters are due to the supermoon but I’m not sure.

I’m writing this blog after the ‘what’s your favourite fish?’ couple incident.  I tried to interject with a wee bit of comedy only to be met with an icy response.  The male of the couple’s answer to the fish conundrum was ‘the yellow one’, ‘that’s Skype’ she said as I interjected with ‘no. that’s the blue one!’  Once again, wit has not prevailed but I need to consider that I am sitting by myself in a bar surrounded by people in shorts while wearing a denim jacket.  There can be only one.

I’m away to wind up a guy I don’t like the look of that’s playing pool in the bar I’m in, to me these are the best kind of wind ups.  My favourite on this trip so far was almost convincing a guy he should call his band ‘Ghostbusters 2’, everyone already knows it and no-one will expect it, he was almost convinced.  I am a dick.